she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
