I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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