Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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