So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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