Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
