Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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