8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
