he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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