Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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