You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
