she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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