how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
