Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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