Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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