He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize