Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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