I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize