I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
