my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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