when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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