i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
