She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
