med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
this is an emotional support booty call
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
