i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
