man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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