Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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