I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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