I got chris browned last night
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize