idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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