he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
