do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
