Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
