The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
