put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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