You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
