I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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