hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am one with the molecules
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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