1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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