found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Be still, my beating vagina.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
