I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
