I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sobbing to NWA
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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