did you get engaged???
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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