Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
