i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
