I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize