id be glad to
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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