You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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