Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
