ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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