thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am one with the molecules
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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