but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
of course. lets lasso hookers.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
