you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize