Can i not drive my cunt home
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
