I'm really into asian looking animals
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize