I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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