I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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