thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
