I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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