a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
