need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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