Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
