You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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