I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i think i just lost a toe
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
